Tried As Gold

“Woe unto him that striveth with his Maker! Let the potsherd strive with the potsherds of the earth. Shall the clay say to him that fashioneth it, What makest thou? or thy work, He hath no hands?” Isaiah 45:9

When Kent, my oldest, was three years old, we received an offer in the mail for a free “See-to-Learn” exam from our insurance. I had been “home educating” Kent (a new term I learned today…explanation to come later) since age two. He never gave indication that his vision was less than perfect. So, I confidently scheduled an appointment for him at three, and set out to show off my brilliant little man. After the initial peek at the balloon in the thingamajig and the failed attempt at the puff of air in a 3-year-olds eyes portion of the exam, we headed to the real exam. The doctor walked in and asked some questions. She began by showing Kent pictures on the screen rather than letters, to which I proudly announced was unnecessary as he knew all of his letters AND their sounds. He seemed to be enjoying the little game until she covered his right eye. Suddenly, he lost all interest in the exam. He refused to look at the letters. She increased the size. He said, “I don’t want to do this any more. This is not fun.” I thought, “She doesn’t know my son. I need to ask him the questions so he will understand.” So, with all of my years of pediatric ophthalmic expertise, I jumped in and began the quizzing. Still, he changed the subject, acted disinterested, and I could feel the red rising in my cheeks from the humiliation. I thought, “That obstinate little turkey! How could he embarrass me in front of the doctor?” I said, “He is just bored.” After all, we had been going through previous exams or waiting on the doctor for a good 30 minutes by the time she finally came in. The doctor calmly gave me “the look.” You know, the one where you feel you have just received a gentle scolding without really audibly hearing it? And suddenly I realized I was in denial of the truth. My son could not see through his left eye and I was in denial!! When all was said and done, the results were 20/100 in that left eye. His right eye was nearly perfect. With the two eyes combined, he could pass for a better score and with corrective lenses, an even better one but not perfect. The hope is that having caught the problem early on, the muscles in his left eye will improve before his 8th or 9th birthday, at which point the muscles will have fully developed and there will be no chance of strengthening them. Unfortunately, we have had to patch his eye for two different 6-month periods for 4-hour intervals each day. If you have an active little guy around your house, you know just how agonizing of a process patching the fella’s good eye can be. Not only are they annoyed by the patch itself, but their vision is greatly minimized, thus creating an enormous barrier for complete, fulfilling play! After all, that’s what life is all about to a 3-year-old. But, we endure it as best we can. He is tolerating his second 6-month patch wearing period since August. We have had to resort to praying together over the agony of wearing the patch for 4 hours a day. It’s just as difficult for a 5-year-old as it is for a 3-year-old.

A couple of weeks ago, the kids and I were sitting at the table eating a snack after “home education.” Kent was wearing a patch (I have chosen to spend a little more money on the disposable patches – the cardboard black covered patch with the elastic around the head thing doesn’t work for us one iota). The kids were just chattering away oblivious to my notice really. As I watched them, my heart suddenly jumped in my throat for my poor little 5-year-old cyclops. He looks so pitiful with that pathetic patch as he makes an obvious effort to see from his left eye – 20/100 vision and all. I nearly had to choke back tears! I don’t know why it struck me so terribly that day, but as I pondered how awful it must be for my busy little man to work around the blindness, I entertained the thought that we should let the kid have a normal childhood and forget the patching. Let him have his fun now. Was this agony really going to pay off in the end anyway?

But as the little devil on my right shoulder spoke in my ear, the little white angel jumped on the left and whispered, “What kind of mother would you be if you allowed some temporary pleasure to interfere with future benefits? A little pain and sweat now, a lot of reward and profit in years to come.” Though Kent disagrees with my methods at five, when he is fifty and still has an unrestricted drivers’ license and has no problem staring at a computer or reading a book, he will pick up the phone, call his mommy (who always knew best) and thank her for not being a softy and letting her feelings get in the way of reality.

Yes, all of these thoughts crossed my mind in just a few moments, and I knew what my next blog entry was going to be. So I grabbed my camera and shot a few pitiful snapshots to correspond with today’s topic. Can you see why a mother’s heart would scream to abandon the patching process? Kids love candy and sweets. (Well okay, so do I.) My kids would live on cookies (Kent) and Starbursts (Arielle) if I would let them. But I don’t let them. I know that if they are going to grow strong physically and mentally and remain healthy, they must have proper nutrition. I even take their nutrition to extra costly measures by giving them the MannaBears and GlycoBears every day. I want my kids to have the best possible brain power and a healthy life to give to the Lord. (I’m not sure I can adequately teach them proper nutrition as I cram green beans down their throat while I indulge in a piece of cheesecake for dinner…I’ll let you know how that works out in 20 years). But if you’re a parent, you understand that you cannot pamper your children with all of the finery in life when it is necessary for a little good old-fashioned elbow grease and discipline to build character and make them worthy citizens and faithful soldiers of the Cross. In fact, sometimes we have to offer them a little agony to provide a better outcome for the final picture.

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” Jeremiah 29:11. Our perfect, all-knowing Father has a beautiful plan for each of his children’s lives. While I have no idea how much improvement Kent’s eye will have as a result of the patching process, God DOES see the bigger picture and He DOES know the purpose for our trials.

My (white) gold wedding band did not suddenly jump out of a mine as a beautiful, sparkling piece of jewelry. Have you ever studied the process gold endures before it becomes that valuable metal we all know and love? After it is mined, it must brave a refining period. There are a few varieties in the process now, but one of the oldest placed the gold in excessive heat, where the impurities were brought to the top and scraped away. This process is repeated many times before the most pure and perfect element is left in the pot (or whatever it is they boil it in). If the waste and impurities were not removed from my ring, it would crumble, bend, and certainly not be worthy of the diamond it embraces. Oh, and from what I understand, the process is repeated several times – excessive heat, impurities rise to the top, scrape away, excessive heat, impurities removed, excessive heat, and so on until a perfect, sparkling, and beautiful lump of gold is the only thing remaining.

“But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold.” Job 23:10

Each trial, each struggle, each valley we walk through and endure is designed to bring us forth as gold. It may be that our testing is of our own doing – a sin or stronghold we have trouble overcoming. Or it may just be a path God leads us down to help us to “draw nigh to God” so he can “draw nigh to you.” Either way, the troubles are meant for our good! Imagine that?!

So…we have two options when facing trials:

Option #1 - We can falsely accuse God of failing to love and care for us. We can pout and mope and get the idea lodged in our head that He allows only terrible things to come our way. We can sinfully lose faith in God’s infinite plan (“…without faith it is IMPOSSIBLE to please him…”). And we can lead a miserable, unhappy, defeated Christian life.

Option #2 – We can recognize our tribulations, however small or great they may be, for a pure, brilliant gold producing experience! You can recall the aforementioned verses and know that your Heavenly Father, the perfect Father, the most loving Father, and the Father who knows the last chapter of the book (the end result) is not mean, harsh, and ugly. He indeed wants to hold you in his arms and carry you lovingly through the waves of persecution. If the point of difficult experiences is to cause you to “draw nigh to God” so He can “draw nigh to you,” I think we can all safely say option #2 is the best choice?

His thoughts towards you are not evil. His thoughts towards you (the trials He allows to come into our lives) are there to give you “an expected end.” He longs for his children to come forth as gold. We are the clay. He is the Potter. We have no right nor the understanding to question his design. His thoughts are not our thoughts – and THANK GOD FOR THAT! I am so relieved that his thoughts and plans are higher than mine. I’d be in a heap of trouble if that weren’t so.

If you’re facing a trial, smile. Breath a sigh of relief. God’s not finished with you yet. He’s still workin’ on you – and that’s a good thing – it means He hasn’t given up on you. And He’s in control of the situation. So, sit back, take your hands off the steering wheel, and enjoy the ride. And don’t forget to stop and smell the roses along the way.

Back on track...

I've been an absentee for long enough. It's time to start yacking again. :) I know. You can't wait. For now, just a short recap of the summer. Since my last post (yes, four months ago), WOBC had our first missions conference the end of May.

My dad suddenly passed away in June. The entire month is a blur. I don't remember much more than the funeral and many other arrangements following. I do remember that the night of Dad's funeral, my husband received a call that his grandfather had been diagnosed with brain tumors with metastasizing to his liver and had little time to live.

July began with a trip to the Nation's Capital for the COEBA National Gathering. For pix, click here. The end of July, we experienced our first VBS at WOBC. The much needed help from a Crown College group also meant company for me which meant thorough cleaning and meal planning (which I don't do very well). What a great experience our first VBS was! On Friday night of VBS, the phone call came from my mother-in-law that Papa had gone to heaven. I quickly packed over the weekend, and our little family headed out again to the east coast for 8 days. It was a packed schedule but a very necessary time with my husband's family.

Back home, we hit the ground running with two weeks to prepare for our first ever Ertson family vacation in the Sandhills of NE. It's ironic that one must work themselves to death in preparation for vacation. But it was WELL worth it. We had a few days between our return to civilization and a 5-day Family Life Conference at church (which also meant company for me). It also meant homeschooling a 1st grader and K4er. Is that a word?

With two weeks in between, we prepared for WOBC's 3rd anniversary and fall revival, which ended last night. I'll post those pictures soon.

I've been toying with photography for the last several months and have even somehow managed to complete a few projects around the house! Up until we started school, I was faithfully running 3 to 5 miles a day, several days a week. I'm hoping to pick that back up next week as our school schedule is becoming more familiar. Oh, did I mention that I redesigned the church website at some point this summer? I don't even remember where I was able to squeeze that project on my calendar, but somewhere between May and July it came into being.

The month of October looks heavenly! I have ladies' fellowship meeting the first Tuesday of the month. My MIL and her sister will be with us for several days at the end of the month. Other than that and a trip or two to Valla’s Pumpkin Patch, it's school and prep for the holidays. Well, that’s not really ALL that’s on my “to do” list, but I have no trips or earth-shattering events planned.

Seriously...where did my summer go? There weren't even any good thunderstorms! I think the sirens sounded once all season. What a disappointment. Hopefully we'll get a good blizzard in January just for fun! :-)

So, now you have a somewhat full account of my whereabouts over the last 4 months. I hope that all of you readers out there have enjoyed a rich and wonderful summer. By now, those schedules that drifted during the hot months are surely back in full swing. I know mine is! I am working on the next post. Check back soon!

A Heavy Heart

Proverbs 12:25
Heaviness in the heart of man maketh it stoop: but a good work maketh it glad.

Just a quick entry today. I have been on overload the last couple of weeks and have not taken the time to post. But I am taking advantage of a couple of quiet moments before the kids are up to do just that!

I don’t know about you, but I can find myself wallowing in self pity. I’m mean – wallowing! It does not happen often. I generally try to be of an upbeat, joyful spirit, melancholy as my true nature might be. I have MUCH to be grateful for. I have been truly blessed. In so many ways. It would take me hours to list the blessings the Lord has bestowed upon me. But in between the mountain tops, there are valleys in everyone’s life. Even the richly blessed. There are times that my faith soars in the low vales of life. I reach out to those past experiences where God carried me through the valley and back to the mountainside. But there are days that I find myself in a stupor. A depressed, self-absorbed slump. I might take great lengths to pull myself out of the mire – but to no avail. I’m STUCK!

But there is a sort of miracle in the above verse. As I muse on it, I find it has a two-fold meaning. In those stooping heart experiences when we feel we’re at the bottom of the barrel and we need a “pick me up,” Solomon tells us that a good work maketh it glad.

There is nothing like an encouraging friend. A friend who detects your heartache and knows just the right words to help you through the hard times. It is vital to surround yourself with good friends, wise friends, godly, Christlike friends in times of trouble. Christians are to be a source of cheer for one another. We should weep with those that weep and rejoice with the rejoicing. In Philippians, we find Paul renewing his spirit from the church at Philippi as they took great lengths to reach out to him while he was in bonds. Paul allowed himself to be encouraged by his brethren.

But I also believe that Solomon was recommending the stooping heart to PERFORM a good work. Try it some time. When you find yourself in the kind of slump that can’t be shaken, make a mental effort to do something kind for someone else. It’s a guaranteed heart lifter! Find someone in need, whether it be a spiritual need, a physical need, a mental need. It might be someone you know, someone you work with, someone you dislike, someone you see on the street. It might be a phone call of encouragement (this is NOT a call to discuss your problems – it’s a listening call, a shoulder for your friend to cry on), a bouquet of flowers, a box of chocolates, an offer to have a cup of Joe together, or some other kind gesture to show you care.

I am not suggesting that the above recommendations should be your sole source of encouragement. Absolutely not. The Lord is my Shepherd. He is my Light and my Salvation. He is the Rock upon which we can stand strong. After you have cast all of your burdens at his feet and you still feel that heaviness nagging at your heart, bake a batch of cookies and deliver it to the elderly in your life. See if you don’t walk with a lighter step.

In the hours leading to Jesus’ arrest in the garden and ultimately His death upon the cross, He knew He would soon be taking on the sin of mankind – He who knew no sin. Contrary to the belief of my children who are convinced that Christ’s struggle was the pain of the cross, it was our sin that he agonized over in the garden. Not death. He was suffering from the greatest heartache man has ever known. Yet during the last supper, He told Peter that He was praying for HIM, that his faith would fail not. He was concerned about his followers. His friends. His children. His preachers. His servants. Not himself. In the garden after his prayer meeting, when the soldiers came to take him away and Peter cut off the ear of the assailant, Jesus healed his enemy’s ear. On the cross, He looked at His earthly mother and proclaimed that the disciple care for her in his absence. In his greatest hours of need, He was concerned for others. He took on the burdens of others. He was encouraging others. What character to pattern our lives after!

Heaviness in the heart of man maketh it stoop. But a good work maketh it glad. A good work won’t get you a ticket to heaven. But Solomon guarantees it will give you a spring in your step :)

The Love of a Child

Matthew 19:14; Mark 10:14; Luke 18:16

Three times, this story of the children is recorded in the Gospels. Many stories are recorded by one or two authors, but it is much less frequent that three of the four contain the same story. Matthew, Mark, and Luke all chose to include this illustration of the tender heart of Jesus towards the children. Of course we know that the Bible is divinely inspired and GOD is the one who opts to include what he wants in his Word. But truly, the writers were deeply touched by the adoration Jesus had for the little people. And really – what did they have to offer him amongst the great throngs of followers?

I have always liked the kiddos. I enjoyed running a church bus route in years past, teaching a variety of Sunday school and children’s church aged classes, teaching kindergarten in a Christian school, and working in a daycare. I love to strike up a conversation with a 5-year-old about matters far above and beyond their understanding. There is nothing like the perception of elementary-aged children and younger. Such entertainment! But though I have always enjoyed the little guys, a deep, burning love and affection for them escaped my own understanding – until I carried and bore my own children. Something inside of me changed the moment the doctor laid Kent on my chest! The emotions ran wildly as he lay there, covered in a white, filmy coating of goobers, experimenting with his incredibly powerful lungs for the first time! I lack the know-how to explain what I felt at that very moment. It might help to mention that I was sobbing uncontrollably and I could not explain why. Even now.

I wondered if I would have the same feelings for my second child when she was born. Although I think I had a better handle on the blubbering, the moment my little Rella was handed to me, my heart overflowed with love! I didn’t know I had any left to give – I already had one VERY BUSY little toddler who filled my heart. How could my love expand to cover two? But somehow, it grew. And I actually think it continues to grow.

This topic came to my mind a few mornings ago. I have my children conditioned to sleep at least an hour or two past my alarm. If any of you know me well, you do not need an explanation as to my need for an hour or two of peace and quiet in the mornings! My typical morning routine is a very prompt teeth cleaning immediately following the conclusion of the alarm, a quick potty break, and then a somewhat blurry, staggered, incoherent walk to the coffee pot. I’m trying to change up this routine a little with the weather change to include a shoe lacing and a 30-minute run each day before the coffee break. At any rate, at this point I find my club chair next to the fireplace, pet the cat and open the blinds for her to see the birds, and then proceed to spend time with the Lord. Some time during my time in prayer, one or both of my children usually find me sitting in my chair, and we exchange greetings.

On this particular morning a few days ago, I was sitting in my chair by the fireplace (without a fire – thank goodness – I’m ready for warm weather) when I heard a thud in the room above me, a rustling of stuff (the kids always greet me with an armload of pets), and then a slow plop, plop, plop down the stairs. I knew these footsteps to be Arielle’s. Sure enough, she snuck around the corner with a sly grin. I pretend not to notice for a second, and then I inhale a pretend gasp of excitement to see her, and she proceeds to plunge forward, pets in hand, and land ever so tomboyish into my lap. My Rella is a fiercely loving little thing. She gives me much more trouble than her brother does, but she is the one who never fails to say, “I love you, Mommy” for no particular reason in the world, or spontaneously throws her arms around me for a bear hug that just won’t quit. So this morning, she curls up in my lap as I cradle her tightly. Ahhhhhh…the sheer joy of holding my child in my arms. How refreshing to hear her say, “I love you, Mommy.” It warms the very cockles of my heart to know that she desires to be cuddling there in my lap, spending time with me, and drinking in my love for her.

I was suddenly struck with the awareness that God is the perfect parent. He is the infallible Father. The love of his heart is faultless, selfless, and it knows no boundaries. The depth of my love for my daughter has no comparison to his love for us! Now, this is no new fact. It is not as if I have not read or heard preached this very topic in times past. But it was an applicable revelation – a reminder that I needed at that very moment. My time with the Lord in the morning (as well as the meditation throughout the day) is to him what my children’s morning routine of climbing up into my lap for a little lovin’ is to me! He loves me. He loves to spend time with me. He loves it when I choose to climb into his lap and adore him, appreciate him, yearn for his Word, talk to him, meditate on him, obey him, and trust in him! He is a holy and righteous God to be feared and revered, to be sure. But he is also a God of overwhelming love for his children, and he desires to be loved in return. He is our Creator and our Savior. We not only owe him our love, He commands it.

And Jesus answered him…
And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment. Mark 12:20

A Broken Heart

II Samuel 11, 12

In these two chapters, we find the man after God's own heart in the midst of the gross sins of lust, adultery, and finally murder. How had this gentle, loving shepherd and harpist come full circle and stooped to such a low level in his life? After this harmless man endured years of fleeing hateful enemies without cause and yet continuing to walk wisely in all his ways, he now was guilty of what most consider to be the worst deed a man can perform. And yet, he apparently thought he would escape the law of the harvest. Perhaps his role as king gave him a sense of being above the law. Maybe he figured he had suffered so much in his life as a citizen that now that the tides were turned and he finally had his promised position as the head honcho, he could do as he pleased without fear of repercussion or retribution. And then maybe he was just so wrapped up in the sinful moment that he failed to think or consider the cost at all.

At any rate, King David is an adulterous murderer with a child on the way. Then Preacher Nathan paid him a visit. He shared a gripping story about a poor man and his family's adored pet, a little lamb. Little BaaBaa, who was so cherished that the family allowed the little guy to eat from their very table. Then along came Neighbor Wealthy, who demands little BaaBaa be offered up for his elite guests - when Mr. Wealthy had an entire flock of the fluffy white guys of his own! But as we all know, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, and the poor, destitute family with the single lamb had the greener pasture as sheep go. Mr. Wealthy took their lamb and served him for dinner.

Of course, David, the gentle shepherd who spent the first portion of his life tending his father's sheep, protecting them, and loving them, was LIVID with this pompous rich man! How dare he steal from the poor when he had the best sheep available in his own pasture?

David demanded that the man restore four-fold to the family and also that his life be taken for payment! It is amazing to me that the prophet Nathan had the wisdom to find an angle that would touch David's heart right where it needed to be touched. Wisdom like that must come from God himself.

But once David's proclamation was made, Nathan pointed a finger at David, as only a preacher can do, and stated, "THOU ART THE MAN." I can imagine that David was half out of his seat, if not pacing the floor, in anger as he fumed over the wicked selfishness of the rich man. But the moment the words of the preacher escaped his mouth, David's heart must have smote him to the ground. He had seethed with anger over the story Nathan shared with him and suddenly he is faced with the reality that HE was indeed that very man he was only moments ago ready to slay.

All of us have at one time in our lives tried to push some sin to the back of our mind or tried to explain it away as "not as bad as all that." No doubt David had taken this approach with this terrible sin of his. He was living in denial. But suddenly he has come face-to-face with his actions. It is very easy to avoid the truth, blame shift, or point an accusing finger when we are about to experience the rod of correction. But David immediately recognized his sin for being just that - SIN! His words to the preacher were "I have sinned against the Lord!"

After David was confronted with his sin and admitted his guilt, he was of a broken and a contrite spirit! Psalm 51 is the psalm David wrote following his meeting with Nathan that day. There are 19 verses dedicated in this chapter to his guilt and the sorrow he experienced for his sin. We would do well to read this chapter as preventive maintenance. If we understood the magnitude of this chapter and the repercussions of our sin, we would find ourselves spending more time asking God to purge us even of those hidden sins and to create in us a clean heart and less time in sin!

You know, another thing I find intriguing about David’s Psalm is that he states that God is not interested in sacrifice and offerings. Not when a heart isn’t in the right place. He says in Psalm 51:16 and 17 – “For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.” In this day and age of frantic, hectic, busy comings and goings, we find ourselves in the midst of extreme service to God. We teach Sunday School, we go Soulwinning, we sing in the choir, we clean the toilets, we volunteer for this and we plan for that, but we fail to have that broken and contrite heart before God! We lack that close communion with him that reminds us daily of God’s desire for our lives and just how he wants us to live day-by-day. David said, “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit!” Are we broken? Truly broken? Scripturally broken? Do we hunger and thirst after righteousness? Does our heart meditate on the Lord day and night? Do we love God’s law? Are we searching the inmost parts for that hidden sin? Or do we bury our heads in the service of God instead? You may feel you are pleasing to him, but Psalm 51 clearly states quite the contrary.

“Then shalt thou be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness, with burnt offering and whole burnt offering: then shall they offer bullocks upon thine altar.” God loves sacrifice. But only when it comes from the right kind of heart – a broken and a contrite one. One that faces and DEALS with sin. Yes, a just man falleth seven times, but he rises up again. He struggles with his Christian walk. But he asks the Lord to show him hidden sin. When it is revealed, he asks God to purge him – whether it is once or seven times.

On another note, we look at David’s sin and think, “My word! How can God call him a man after his own heart after this? How can God give him any benefits of a child of God after this wretched act?” Well, David did reap some very heavy ramifications as a result. He lost the child that Bathsheba was carrying at the time of this ordeal. Later he had utter chaos between his children and lost several of them. He restored four-fold just as he had demanded of Mr Wealthy. But because of his repentance, God spared his own life. That in and of itself was an amazing act of mercy. But look at II Samuel 12:24 – David had another son with Bathsheba, the very woman he committed adultery with and murdered for. This child’s name was Solomon. Notice what the Bible says about this baby, “And the Lord loved him!”

We all know the rest of the story. Solomon grew up to be the next king of Israel, the second of the seed of David. He was the wisest man ever to walk the face of the earth. God poured out his blessings upon Solomon. Solomon walked with God for many years. This child was a result of a hideous, unsightly, even unmentionable sin. And yet God was merciful because of David’s broken heart over his sin. And not only was Solomon one of the greatest kings and the wisest man, he was in the direct line of Christ! Jesus was born to the seed of David and Solomon was the son of that seed. He was the result of a lustful relationship. What a loving, kind, merciful God we have!! When we come before him and lay it all out in the open and say, “God – I BLEW IT! I have sinned,” He will take our sin and do a 180 with it. He can be glorified through our wrongs. There is no sin too great that he will not forgive it. There is no sinner too far gone that he cannot be used greatly of God. But…you must have a Psalm 51 heart.

The Love Letter Creation

.the.intro.
For many weeks, I have been contemplating blogging thoughts from God's Word as I spend time with him each day. I don't think I will be able to keep up with a daily entry, but I am aiming for a weekly post. If you become a "follower" of my blog, of course, you'll know if the miraculous takes place and I enter more often than weekly.

a.well.known.fact.and.the.painful.truth
When God creates a pastor's wife, he automatically instills in them the ability to speak. It’s a well-known fact, right? Every pastor's wife I have ever known can stand before her ladies and give an eloquent oration on God’s goodness and love. There may be different levels of expertise in this field as well as variety in style, anxiety, and preferred topic; nevertheless, they have the gift of presenting a flowing, reasonably smooth verbal presentation.

I surrendered to full time ministry of some kind at the age of 12. I was an introvert. Certainly God would call me to a foreign country where I would speak to the women of the jungles of Africa. I thought perhaps I could fulfill that calling. I majored in Speech and English in college. I thought perhaps through education and graded experience, the moment would come for me. I adored the drama in speech class. Memorizing and dramatizing was a walk in the park for me. I’d always loved performing in school and church plays. And English was a cinch. But compiling a bunch of jumbled thoughts and presenting a speech to a small group of peers and a professor was an entirely different thang altogether.

Well, since the original calling at age 12 didn’t ensure “art of speaking” as a qualification on my resume, and my college days came and went and still the gift did not come, certainly God planned to instill extraordinary talent in my makeup when the calling became a reality. I have been a pastor’s wife for over 2 years now. I have spoken at small church ladies’ meetings, baby showers, and other more well-attended events. I STILL lack a gifted speaking ability. I have forced myself to speak at our monthly ladies’ meetings for the past year in hopes that practice would make perfect. That method has failed me. I was certain that the spirit would come upon me and loosen my tongue as he had done with Zachariah, John the Baptist’s father. In vain, I tried. I pleaded with God for his wisdom, strength, and moving in this lacking area of my life. But the response was painful silence.

A few weeks ago after making another failed attempt at speaking for our ladies’ meeting, I came home depressed and distraught. “What’s wrong with me, Lord?” I wondered. “How can this be - pastor’s wife who cannot speak to her ladies? What kind of pastor’s wife am I?”

a.welcome.revelation.
It suddenly dawned on me that I was putting myself into the proverbial pastor’s wife box and I could not accept God’s unique design for me as an individual – the individual HE created ME to be. My heavy heart was suddenly a feather weight! The Lord whispered to me that night almost as clear as day that it was okay if I could not give an inspirational devotion to my ladies if that’s the kind of creature he created me to be! Isaiah 29:16b says, “…for shall the work say of him that made it, He made me not? or shall the thing framed say of him that framed it, He had no understanding?” And then Isaiah 64:8 says, “But now, O Lord, thou art our father; we are the clay, and thou our potter; and we all are the work of thy hand.” He designed us to be the very person he wants us to be for the time and place he created us for. How much more peaceful our lives are when we come to this understanding and submit to the Potter our will and personal expectations.

Now, it is certainly most unfortunate (albeit painfully evident) for the ladies of WOBC that I am not a good public speaker and I will probably never be able to design and present an earth shattering devotion from God’s Word. Some of you WOBC ladies may be wondering what we are going to do about the monthly ladies’ meeting devotions. Never fear. While I cannot speak, I do have creative genes and I have something up my sleeve which will be unveiled when the timing is right. And while I have no desire to pain you with another failed attempt at opening my mouth with public dialogue, I love writing. I believe the Lord has given me a blog as a replacement tool with which to share my heart with my ladies in this much more desirable fashion! You can come and go at your own will, you can choose to read or not to read, and the intellect of a written transcript rather than a verbal oration from me, the out of the ordinary pastor’s wife, will have much more appeal to the recipient.

.conclusion.of.the.matter
Ladies, God designs each of his vessels with his own loving hand. There is no assembly line hovering over a conveyer belt or a scientist testing machines with input and output materials, corking out humans as quickly as possible. It wasn’t happenstance that threw us into our family, our city, state, or country, or even our situation in life. It wasn’t a mistake that you were born short or tall, skinny or fat, blonde or brunette, organized or spontaneous, sanguine or melancholy. “I am fearfully and wonderfully made!!!” What a wonderful assurance from God’s Word!! While we should “die daily” to our flesh, we should ask God for the wisdom that we lack, ask the Lord to search us for hidden sin, and strive daily for the mastery, we must accept who we are.

Jeremiah 29:11 says “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”

a.small.disclaimer.
Now, while I do not do well in a large crowd setting, a one-on-one heart-to-heart is my specialty. Lest I give the impression that I am not approachable or have not the desire to be a help and encouragement to you in your time of need, I am a phone call away. It does my heart a world of good to be there for the hurting, the questioning, the joyful and blessed, and everyone else in between!